Monday night, Mike and I headed down to Anaheim to watch the Tribe battle the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of the County of Orange of the State of California of the Country of America. Hilariously, I have now lived in LA for over 4 years, and this was the first time I have ever been south of LAX. True story.
At any rate, this turned out to be basically the best game we could’ve hoped to see. I kept running notes in real-time. Here is the closest you’ll get to experiencing a live MLB game with the two of us.
5:20 PM Mike checks the line-ups for tonight. We are reminded that Eric Wedge is suspended, so The Monster Jeff Datz will be managing the game. On top of that, Grady Sizemore is out sick, Travis Hafner has a “scheduled day off” (don’t get me started on why a designated hitter needs a scheduled day off, but still…), with Ryan Garko scheduled to start in his place.
5:45 PM We’re shown our seats near the upper right field corner by an usher named Richard, a kindly-looking, 60 year-old white dude (strangely, it appears that this demographic makes up the vast majority of the Angels’ stadium staff). Since game time isn’t until 7:05, we make small talk with Richard for a minute. We mention that we live in LA and that Dodger fans are intense at Dodger Stadium. Moments later, with no identifiable provocation, Richard goes on a tear about LA in which he disparages “the gays,” “the ethnic neighborhoods,” the “Jew-y neighborhoods,” and asserts that Anaheim is a good place because it’s “still a white town…unless you count the Latinos, who are just taking over everything.” He ends this rant by giving us each two coupons for a free taco at Del Taco. If given the next ten years, it would be impossible for me to concoct a better, more bizarre ending to this episode than that one. Pitch perfect.
6-6:30 PM Mike and I wander around the upper level looking for the best beer value while trying to recollect the last time that we were involved in a conversation like the one we just had with Richard. FYI - if you’re ever at Angels’ Stadium, the answer to the beer question is 16 oz domestic drafts for $6.50 at the all-purpose concession stands. Not terrible, actually.
6:55 PM I check Twitter to discover that Garko has been traded to the Giants for a single-A pitching prospect named Scott Barnes. Scratch another recognizable name from the roster. This is going to be like watching a JV team.
7:06 PM The sun is blazing directly into our section like a solar close-up in one of those IMAX space movies. If someone hits a foul ball here, I will be dead or crippled before I’m even aware that I should defend myself. But hey, $6.50 16 oz drafts!
7:07 PM Asdrubal Cabrera leads off the game by swinging at the first pitch. Result: weak grounder to the shortstop. Good sign for that patient Indians’ hitting that we all know and love.
7:15 PM Pavano’s first inning: 11 pitches, 8 strikes, 3 balls, 2 strike-outs. Looks like he’s off to a good start and trying to keep that trade value high.
7:18 PM Indians with two men on. Would be great to get a couple runs here and make the Angels work.
7:20 Chris Gimenez to the plate. Scoreboard tells me he’s batting a blistering .225. What does he do? Swing at the first pitch and register another out. Batting average ain’t everything, but when it’s creeping toward .200 it probably does tell you all you need to know.
7:22 Kelly Shoppach’s searing .192 average makes Chris Gimenez look like Ted Williams. Shockingly, he swings at the first pitch…base hit. Two runs score. Tribe out on top. Halos are in trouble if this keeps up.
7:25 Between innings, I make notes on the food price structure at the stadium. $5 for a Carl’s Jr cheeseburger, $6 for a large bag of peanuts, $7.50 for a hot dog. Something is wrong with this picture. Meanwhile, California Pizza Kitchen Guy wandering around. We try to guess price of a personal pan pizza. I go $12, Mike $14. In retrospect this is probably poor judgment. No one in our section buys one. Mystery continues.
7:27 Juan Rivera hits a solo shot off Pavano with two strikes. So much for the perfect game / no-hitter.
7:28 Kendry Morales follows up with his own solo HR. Ouch. There goes the 1-hitter.
7:30 Mike Napoli solo HR. Ugh. Back-to-back-to-back. Pavano’s efforts to keep trade value high go down in flames. Meanwhile, my frustration is doubled by the fact that the auto-type function on my Blackberry keeps changing “HR” to “hour,” forcing me to retype the word in my blog notes three times in the past three minutes. I briefly consider chucking Blackberry onto the field but stop myself for fear that it will be hit for a solo home run.
7:35 Pavano throws over to first to keep the runner honest. Crowd boos loudly. This is one of my favorite things about seeing baseball games live.
7:46 Jhonny ties game up with a stand-up double. Again, not that three consecutive solo HRs in one innning are a good sign for us, but if Jhonny Peralta is tagging stand-up doubles off your starter, you should be concerned, Angels fans.
7:54 First between-inning restroom break. I’m reminded that it’s impossible to overvalue having the men’s room right outside your section. It almost pays for the ticket on its own (assuming you bought the $12 seats).
7:55 In a section nearby us, there’s a gang of about five dudes heckling Shin-Soo Choo like they’re Korean War vets. I’m wondering if they’re Richard the Usher’s grandsons. Also, one of them keeps screaming about the Trail of Tears despite that Choo is, you know, Korean. Anaheim currently exceeding all of my expectations.
7:57 California Pizza Kitchen guy serves someone in the row below me. Debate settled: $9.75.
8:01 Inter-inning promotion with some 12 year-old kid named Trevor being timed as he runs the bases. My analysis: Trevor should be focusing his energy on trying to close it down with these Angel Girls escorting him onto the field. Treat the base-running as a bonus, dude.
8:05 Shoppach scorches a double to deep center. Ball goes off the top of the center-fielder’s glove as he dives to try to make the catch. Really tough play met by serious booing from the Angels’ home crowd. Impressive display of emotion.
8:06 Cabrera hits a solid line drive single. Shoppach not only is incapable of scoring, but barely makes it to third before the throw reaches. Meanwhile, Cabrera’s photo on the jumbotron makes it look like he just smoked his own weight in marijuana.
8:12 Orange County: the home of slutty-looking blondes keeping the California Dream alive for thousands of midwestern adolescent boys. Great venue.
8:13 Pace of the game has slowed down dramatically. Down time leads to a debate between Mike and I about whether or not the 90’ base path is sustainable in the near future. We pretty much decide that it’s inevitable that in another 10-15 years, a significant number of pro ball players wil be fast enough to beat out routine ground balls on a regular basis.
8:21 Nine hits for the Tribe, five men stranded. Score: 4-4. Pavano has given up 3 HRs. Not exactly a pitcher’s duel.
8:23 Between-inning promotion where some animated characters “race” to see whose section will be able to use their game tickets for free wings at Hooter’s. Game results in a photo-finish three-way tie! Wings and boobs for all!
8:25 Crowd becomes aware of a disturbance in the lower levels. Two burly guys are swinging at each other a few seats away from the first base line. Crowd cheering them on until an equally burly woman gets between them and breaks it up. Fighers are led away by security. One of them has his shirt ripped like the Incredible Hulk. Verdict: between Richard, the Choo-haters, and now this, there’s a lot more aggression in the OC than I anticipated.
8:26 RBI single by Jhonny Peralta, who has decided to take the reins of the “Hey, Trade For Me!” showcase going on tonight.
8:28 A quick review of the Indians’ line-up reveals that only one man (Cabrera) is batting over .300. Meanwhile, Shoppach has managed to lift his average above .200 during the course of this game. But I’m not really sure that the difference between .192 and .205 is more than a moral victory.
8:42 Second Angels’ stolen base of the night. Via Twitter, my dad informs us both that umps blew call on both this and the previous stolen base. Impossible to tell from our angle, but both throws looked close. Unwillingness to show replay on jumbotron deepens my suspicion.
8:46 ANOTHER stolen base! Angels running at will. I will see this play on TV after getting home, and it’s such a blatant missed call that I’m speechless. Really pathetic umpiring that could end up tipping this game.
8:46 Cabrera makes a ridiculous defensive play to end the inning and prevent a run from scoring. I am 100% certain that if my dad is still watching he will email us about how Peralta could never have made that play.
8:47 My dad tweets us both that Peralta could never have made that play.
8:51 Extended discussion about the “reasonable man” theory while checking out a young-looking blonde drinking a giant beer - specifically, does the beer on its own serve as sufficient proof that she’s of age? Jury is out.
8:59 Chris Gimenez just plain muffs a catch that would’ve robbed a HR. Read it right, timed the jump right, judged the wall right, botched the whole “OK, NOW’s the time to squeeze the glove!” part. Sad.
9:01 Choo makes a sliding catch in right field. Leads to an extended debate about whether or not the difficulty of the “sliding catch” is overrated. I argue that it’s certainly less difficult than a diving catch but still takes above-average effort. Mike maintains that he could’ve made the same catch right now after 3 beers. Admittedly, he’s probably right. Which means this: Choo is drunk.
9:06 Francisco makes a really nice diving catch in center field to end the inning. Pavano stat line right now: 6 innings, 6 ER on 4 HR. Yikes. Nevertheless, game still in reach for the Tribe.
9:07 Kiss Cam swings into action before the top of the 7th. Third guy up enthusiastically pump-fists after the kiss. Not sure whether or not he was actually here with that woman…
9:08 Kiss Cam segment ends. Notably, all white people. Sensing a theme…
9:11 Choo lasers a double off the wall. News flash: Shin-Soo Choo is a legitimately very good hitter. Too bad he’s going to be pulled back for military duty in Korea in the next two years. Though if the Tribe keeps playing like they’ve been this season, the military might actually be more enjoyable.
9:20 Completely blown half-inning by the Tribe. Men on 2nd and 3rd with 1 out, and your 2 best hitters can’t get in a single run. This is one reason why we’re 41-58.
9:26 Security jacks a beach ball from the stands, boots the owner. Security guys try to wave off the crowd’s boos. Meanwhile Mike notes the eerie similarities of this security staff to that of the infamous Vic’s nightclub in Elyria, OH: use of ear-pieces, tendency to travel in packs, general attitude of asshole-ishness, no mercy.
9:29 Fireworks inexplicably start blowing off outside the stadium. This continues for the next half-inning…weird.
9:34 Another blown call. Angels’ first baseman pulls foot before catching throw from short. This is really getting bad.
9:39 Luis Valbuena swings at a pathetically high pitch. Mike asks why he would swing at that pitch. I point out that his average is currently .227.
9:40 Base hit by Valbuena! I look at the scoreboard and exclaim that his OBP jumped from .257 to .335. Mike points out that actually, the jumbotron just switched to Shoppach’s numbers. Oh.
9:45 Another inning, another 2 men stranded. Sensing ANOTHER theme….
9:49 Large young woman saunters over to Mike and I and asks, “Excuse me…would it be weird if I asked you guys if you were going to use your tickets for wings at Hooters?” Yes. Yes, it would be. Nevertheless, we are both too taken aback by the question to do anything other than hand over the tickets. We then spend the next two minutes discussing that that the last thing that girl needed was more wings.
9:52 Top of the 9th. Brian Fuentes enters the game to try to close it down with the Angels up 6-4. His entry makes one thing abundantly clear: baseball players have the worst taste in music of any professional athletes. The song playing for Fuentes sounds like Nickelback trying to cover Metallica. Truly, truly awful.
9:54 & 9:57 Fuentes gives up two consecutive singles. Tribe has life.
10:00 Victor Martinez belts a 3-run HR over the left-center field fence! Indians up 7-6! This means that we will get to watch Kerry Wood blow a save!
(Note: after seeing a replay after the game, Reggie Willits’ play on this ball eclipses Chris Gimenez’s blown catch on the ‘Pathetic’ scale. The play ends this highlight package. Hilarious.)
10:00:45 Victor just now touches home plate. Probably the slowest home-run trot I’ve ever seen. Can’t tell if he’s sticking it to the Angels or if this is just a reminder of how unbearably slow the guy is on the basepaths. Right now, doesn’t matter. He’s a star, and Ned Colletti and about 10 other GMs just picked up the phone to Shapiro’s office. I will be sad to see Victor go.
10:02 Jhonny Peralta crushes the next pitch over the center field fence into the faux waterfall. Indians up 8-6! This means that we will now get to watch Kerry Wood blow a save SPECTACULARLY!
10:09 Angels/Vic’s security team removes another person from the game for no apparent reason, moments before an innning-ending double play. Truly inspirational.
10:10 With both teams warming up before the bottom of the ninth, the jumbotron shows a video with the infamous Rally Monkey spliced into Will Ferrell’s cameo role in Wedding Crashers. The crowd goes INSANE. Seriously, it’s a frenzy. It’s like the Rally Monkey is pumping every Halos fan in the buildling with a composite of Andro and cocaine through some kind of bizarre simian telepathy.
I implied it before, but I am legitimately impressed by the energy and volume of the Angels fans. Stadium is only about 50% full (about 35K people), and it’s loud enough that you could see it actually making a difference. And that was before this whole Rally Monkey thing.
10:14 Exactly the type of at-bat I expect with Kerry Wood on the hill after a truly impressive offensive come-back: 0-1 to 3-1 to 3-2 to a scorching line drive double off the center field wall by Gary Matthews Jr. Apparently the rally monkey segment awakened the HGH lying around dormant in his bloodstream like silt at the bottom of a fish tank.
10:15 Crowd loudly chanting “Reg-E! Reg-E! Reg-E!” like Reggie Jackson is at the plate. Unfortunately for them, no amount of chanting is going to turn Reggie Willits into Reggie Jackson. Fittingly, Willits promptly flies out to left-center. 1 down.
10:17 Chone Figgins strikes out looking! Tribe one out away from a hilarious victory.
10:19 Fly ball to left-center field! Indians win. Crowd disperses. Live blog ends.
That was way more work than I expected it to be…but if even half of this kind of stuff happens again, I will now make it a point to see the Indians play at Angels Stadium at least once a year. Good times.
-T
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